woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
