you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
