physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
