dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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