i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
