Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
