I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
