had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
be right there i have to get my cape
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
