I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
