I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
