All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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