Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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