so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
