Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
