I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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