Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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