I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
