My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
