I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
