Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
