just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
