I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
