You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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