you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
