when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
