Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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