Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
