so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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