You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
