It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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