I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
