i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
