if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
