quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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