And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
