did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
