we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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