Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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