I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
