My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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