Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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