.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
