I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
