Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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