It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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