my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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