hell yes lets make some ravioli
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
