i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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