respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he puts the penis in happiness.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
