The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
