I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
