this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
