you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
