I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
