Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
