Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
